COUSINs~

Alex`! you're back, finally...

missed you so much ya know....

now we can play, chat , laugh ....and more TOGETHER~!

hmmm....when was the last time I saw you?

oh, 2 years ago....wow, it's been long though...2 years....

Seeing you again, brings up memories....

haiz....everyone have grown up so fast....

last time, we were still babies, now, i'm a teenager and you're going to be a lawyer~!

wow.....like you used to say....aim for it and go~!

Be a great lawyer someday, I really look up to you~!

ME=NOOB

I've cut my hair....

like just now....look very weird..

but cute=D hahahax...

I'm like a noob right now.....

don't know how to face people at school tomorrow....

I miss you a lot....

You don't speak to me since,

and I don't too....

You avoid me,

and I ignored you....

Every time I wanted to at least say "hello"

to you but, you never look at me...

Today , I wanted to talk to you, but I felt like you didn't want me to bother you....

I'm scared that you'll feel offended and never want to talk to me anymore...

You know? You didn't have to say SORRY today,

I know that it was an accident, or should I say coincidence....

You shouldn't say sorry, it wasn't your fault, no wrong at all...

maybe you thought that I didn't want to be bothered also....

well, I'm okay already....I just hope that we can still be

an apology

I feel really sorry today...

for what I did and everything I did..

ignored you....bcuz I was scared that I would disturb you...

you needed a quiet time....

today during PJK period....

I din mean to be like that, it's just that, it felt so sudden

.....if I hurt you, please say.....I won't mind if it hurts me....

I'm more concern about you....btw

you mentioned bout smth on FB?

If it's smth I should know, may I noe?

o maybe just keep it to yourself.....

i'm okay....

One last wish

Now , I don't want to wish for anything more...

everything is enough....

but just one last...wish.....

I just want to see your sweet smile again...

I miss your adorable laughter.....

I hope to see that you're happy again.....

I would be glad enough to see you with a smile on your face...

it's all I pray for right now....

like you always say just Be Yourself and be happy everyday.....

我死了

至从那天，一直到现在为止， 我还是找不回我自己.......

吴哲贤好像从地球表面消失了......

在再也寻找不回真真的我了。

今天，下了一场大雨，我把自己的身体淋湿了......

但，一点儿冷的感觉也没有.......我以麻木了.....

以前，每当我淋雨时，我会觉得开心.....

可是，今天我却一点也不.....

我变了。

今天，我也和朋友玩得挺开心的，

可是那只是一时的开心，我还是无法把你从心里暂时放下......

我想了好几天，几夜，但使我迷失了方向，一直找不到出路......

难道我就永远.......永远早不到出路了吗？

可是我从没想过要放弃....

在这几天里，关心我的朋友给了我很多的劝导，

让我觉得有所安慰...然我有点温暖的感觉。

你知道吗？

从前幼稚的我，已经死了....

那个又笨，又傻，又无理，又坏的我，已经死了.....

我根本就不是个好人，我有时还怀疑，我乘至配得上做你的朋友吗？

也许这是我的命运，老天注定给我的命运。

这几天，我成长了许多，也成熟了许多。

但是，我没有机会了。也许命中注定，我要背着这痛苦又美好的回忆走下去，

可是，我还没放弃，应为你是我最喜欢的人！

I cried....

for the first time....

I can't bare it anymore....

I need some quiet time....

leave me alone....

don't ask anymore....

I'm not me anymore.....

Lost....

Depression getting worse....

Everything is worthless....

Life is meaningless......

Hopeless.....

I need you now,

more than ever....

I lost my smile.....

I lost someone....

I lost my soul.....

I lost myself.......

Everything that surrounds me was dark...every path

led down another dark alley that almost never ends.....

No light to shine my way out.....

trapped in an eerie silence....every footstep echoed around me,

no one answered.....even how hard I try to call out......

it always echoes back in the same voice " help"......

No one came, no one heard me, no one cared.....

maybe that's what I am, why I am, who I am....

always.....hopeless.....

Until one day, I saw....I saw light coming towards me....

I looked up....and saw you...it was you.....

that was when I met you......

I followed you....down an alley.....

I was following your light.....but suddenly it vanished..

you were gone.....I was lost.....

and now, here I am, still in the pitch black world......

Leave me alone....

Now, I just wanna settle down,

leave me alone, in peace,

no disturbances.....

I feel tired....I am really tired of everything now...

this few days, I felt, being a quiet boy in class is better...

Paying more attention in class maybe, somehow,

I feel lonely.....lonely inside me....

the atmosphere is just dull, everywhere I go,

sometimes I feel being on my own, staring at the wall is

more comfortable than cheering up....

Cheering isn't a solution for me anymore....

part of me is dead.......

误会 A misunderstanding

TO: you

Since I promised you that I will change for sure, Iv'e been trying very hard to do it,

and maybe finally I've did it somehow? It felt strange for Dunstan and Ryan, because they missed the old me a lot...but never mind...they will get over it....I wrote this especially for you.... I know that a lot of your friends hate me, because I don't have a good behavior, however, I really hope that you can change your opinion of me, how I am as me in your heart....maybe you haven't noticed yet that I wasn't the same since. It was thanks to you, ya know, I gave up LS-ing and even saying foul words, or say bad things of other people.......

I wrote this so that you can understand me more, you know, I've heard about people saying that I always give bad looks of jealousy towards male friends who talk to you, well, I never did any of those before, can you believe me? I know you hate and don't like that and because of that people start keeping distances from you....I'm really sorry, but I hope you could understand me, I would never ever do that, maybe you and many other friends misunderstood, so I wish you know this.....

I've never "shoot" friends before just because they talk to you or play with you, I just like to see you be happy with them, that's why I always watch what you are doing, I just think that you are really adorable when you laugh and have fun with your friends....I like it when you are happy, it always make me smile.... I wish you can really know....I wish you wouldn't continue to misunderstand me... sometimes I wish that other people could stop being offended by me, I know I've been senseless and vulgar, but you won't expect the same me anymore, I apologize to everyone that I've offended, and I wish you can also accept me......

Like I always say, I don't want to hurt you, I can't afford to do something so harsh to you.....you know I only expressed my jealousy once , which was towards Kevin , and I still feel guilty , even though I've settled it out and now we're still good friends.....it's something that I will never forget, I hope you can be honest with me of everything, even though you think it might hurt me, I wish you could just tell me, because I really want to change......

Have faith in me......

From : Eric.N.C.H

Believe me, I will....

Why do I always ask stupid questions,

is it because I'm worried somehow?

Maybe I am, keep holding on,

is that what I should do, just keep holding on,

because I'm afraid to lose you?

I'm selfish.....I'm vulgar.....

I'm not a good person....

that's what I am....

do you regret?

For you,

I will change,

No matter what cost it might be,

I just can't lose you....

maybe today, from this moment onwards

you wont be expecting the " Mr.Evil" anymore...

I don't want to hurt you, I can't....

Because it hurts me even more.....

the sin of sloth....

it's getting to me....don't seem to be interested in anything lately...

feeling bored and lazy...still got a pile of school work to finish...

that ain't fun.....haiz....btw hope you guys enjoy

my playlist of SAD SONGS~!

unfulfilled and sad feelings....

It makes you cry....doesn't it?

hahaha...ENJOY guys....will add more songs next week...

sports day

It's the school's annual Sports day,

today was the first day, had lotsa fun,

LS here LS there Play here Play there...

hmm...what more?

Well, it felt great, macho athletes, noisy spectators..

everyone played a role in stirring up the wild atmosphere...

AZAM YAKIN CEMERLANG TABAH BERANI GIGIH

^^^^the all-time champion house of our school...

I didn't take part in any events this time, felt lazy...

but, at least I was in the Uniform Body marching competition,

St.John Ambulance got 1st runner-up, actually I kinda expected that,

like since we knew the PBSM were in the competition too...

it's over anyway.

On duty for St.John Ambulance tomorrow, holy....

I'm so exhausted right now, worn out for sure.

I've been yawning the whole time while typing this post...

What a sacrifice, but I get to share some things with some of you,

as in readers~

Eric`the best~! wish me luck....

things changed...

I did something right, at last,

didn't know how I did it actually.....

It took me quite some time before I could even get

close to him to say a word, but I managed to do it...

I apologized to him....it was tough a first to get it flowing,

however, it all turned out to be great, Jenny I did it!

now I just hope that you guys can be friends again ,

no more avoiding one another , okay?

btw, do your best tomorrow , don't stress yourself too much,

be cool and just let it out, and be careful, don't hurt yourself....

You understand me.....

I promised you that I will change...

it's a promise that I won't break,

I just want you to at least feel happy for me,

be happy as you always did...

I'm gonna do what's right...

tomorrow you two will be friends again,

I can prove myself, no matter how hard it may be,

I will try everything I can, it's for you,

sometimes I'm truly glad that I met you,

you were one of those who really understood me,

understand how I feel , you never blamed me for anything,

why? I really can't understand why?

What I did is always to bring you trouble...

you make me feel guilty of myself, can you not always not blame me of anything,

can you scold me? can you hate me? why?

It felt so strange when I first met you....you changed me....

you changed me so much that sometimes I couldn't take it.....

why are you so nice to me even though I'm always wrong.....?

I never felt so bother by anyone before, you were always in my mind,

and whenever I think of you, I feel very guilty, because you are too nice to me....

My fault....

now, I feel like an idiot...

all I always did was just giving her more trouble....

always being a burden....

I am very sorry for all what I've done...

can you forgive me?

I promise I will change for the sake of yours and mine...

I will change my bad habits ....

what's the point of saying sorry....I have to settle what I've done,

do everything I can to change myself, improve myself,

because of you.....I will change....no matter at what cost it might be....

To everyone else, I would like to apologize....

I know sometimes I cannot control my emotions, and sometimes I might hurt people,

so please, I'm truly sorry, if you wish to hate me, I understand....

Lately

I've been addicted to sentimental music lately....

don't know why...but it's just cool to relax sometimes....

sad piano or violin are some examples of what I'm looking for...

getting lazy as the days go by....

argued with my brother that day...and also so my mother....

maybe I was too hot-tempered, however they've passed already...

there's no need to remember those meager and sad things....

tolerance and forgiveness....ways of life....

Changed my specs yesterday, well, it's dark red this time....

it's cool.....hahaha.....really tired ....

marching marching....driving me to insanity.....

it's for Sport's Day, duty's coming up too....yeah~!

I can add those hours to my duty time....then I can exchange it for a badge...mauahaha...

but it's a 100 hours of duty time.....

gambateh~!

I miss you

I thought hard about this issue for a few long nights...

and had finally come to the conclusion which is rather hard to believe...

I miss someone...

I miss you....

thinking of you always drags me down...

I found it difficult to settle to this feeling...

often , I would find myself strolling to another world of my own,

I would sit in the dark living room in the middle of the night, gazing at those stars

above, thinking of you solemnly....

it took me those few sleepless nights to finally convince myself that I was missing someone,

someone who is rather important to me, somewhere in my heart.....

vanilla twilight...

I would lie awake to miss you...

then doze of save and soundly, with you still in mind...

in my dreams, to where freedom is always....

It was me

Last night .....

I was afraid....

afraid and bothered by smth....

I was in depression,

Afraid of losing someone,

Afraid of being hated,

Afraid of being a burden.....

Didn't want things to happen this way....

Why was I still thinking, so bothered, so scared,

even though you had told me it wasn't about me.....

it was my fault...pls forgive me....

I know you may not take this seriously, but I just wanna say

I AM SORRY~ =(

is this feeling of guilt ?

it is saddening...is this all I could say....

I woke this morning staring through my bedroom window ....still wondering...

why do I have this feeling....never felt it before....

there must be something wrong with my brain.....

Life

The days pass by so quickly...

sometimes without you noticing...

but the clock will never stop ticking....

moments that we treasure, become part of our unforgettable memories...

imprints of good times together... ever lasting in the mind...

there are also tough times in life....

it is part of learning,

for one shouldn't be making same mistakes as before...

Tell me ....honestly....

have you ever thought of why were you being born to this world

and even lived till this very day?

It is our Lord... he who brought you here....and only with one purpose...

that is to be yourself.....believe in every single thing you do, have faith,

for God has granted you wisdom and knowledge...it is time you should know how to use it...

the road to success is tough.....but never give up on yourself......

FUN trip~!

Sorry guys, there was some problems with my internet, so i haven got chance to post anything..

Well, our trip to Wisma Bapa MSAM had just ended, the place was totally crowded..

Lotsa ppl..but thank god our bus and the exhibition place was air-conditioned...

It was quite a large place...blablabla..

Okay the point is we had FUN...yeah! 2A rockz~!

Basically we were the most LS around..

We were chatting and playing our way from skul to the place and back non-stop..

No discipline...hahaha..

No hope

HOPELESS..that's all I can say..

damn it, I lost my phone...

bloody hell..so I you wanna contact me you can try dialing this number

082-572057..what the hell~!

Damned fools...

DON'T SPEAK OF SCHOOL ANYMORE!!

my birthday's tomorrow,but i dun see any reason to be happy for it..

it's just me and my miserable life.that's all..

Not friends, not enemies, you guys are nothing...

A second, a minute, an hour , a day , a week..

they have all passed....

The moon and stars look dimmer this days

as well as I am, I feel stressed out..even more..

I feel down, miserable, tired of life..

I can't take it, I can't get what's coming to me,

A lot of things happened, one after the other,

they are bringing me down on my knees.

my anger overwhelms me...uncontrollably..

I have tried my best to do what I can ...

but they just keep pouring in,

I'm stuck... in "quicksand " ...

Facing all of them at once is a problem,

but it is the only way to solve this problem..

I don't care what you motherfuckers are saying of me,

I don't give a damn about it, I do what I wanna do and say what I wanna say.

you guys can either love me or hate me for it...

I don't care anymore, it's up to your own damn minds to decide,

you guys are pathetic...I'm done with you guys..fuck off...

I feel LIKE....nothing...

This all feels like SHIT, motherfuckers ....

Nowadays , I feel like sleeping than any other thing in the world,

I'm tired...everything that happens around me just makes me feel sick,

At this moment, life feels meaningless, I have nothing to think of..my mind is empty.

I don't feel like doing anything at all...it just pisses me off...

I feel miserable, I guess it'll be just the same tomorrow, everything's just so

tense and gloomy, it almost as if feels like a playback scene, everything

starts the same...and ends the same..just like the days before..

No motivation, but the days just goes on and on and on...

What should I hope for? A better tomorrow?

Nah...i'm tired if every single thing now, I think I should rest...

I won't rest in peace, don't worry....

- - - - -nth to blog bout- - - -

words to describe my day:

busy

boring

miserable

tiring

sleepy

emotional

stressful

depressing

help....i'm dying here...

I'm in depression...it doesn't feel good..I feel sick and tired...

bloody hell...

TRY HIGHLIGHTING THE WORDS IT'LL BE EASIER TO SEE>>>

I'm thinking of you..

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake and miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere,
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me,
I'd send a postcard to you, dear.
Cause I wish you were here...
I'll watch the night turn light-blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly..

The silence isn't so bad,

Till I look at my hands and feel sad

Cause the space between my fingers

are right where yours fit perfectly..

TAIWAN i'm coming~! 3hrs left...hahaha

Farewell my friends, for I shall be away to another country ,

on a journey to seek happiness, freedom and cherish my moments with my family..

This is a way to relax the mind... for too much stress and boringness would make someone go nuts and insane, I wouldn't want to see a psychiatrist just yet, for there is still more to come in my life long journey...

Preparations are made, preparations of the mind, and also the preparations for

what I should wear?

what should I do?

what should I bring and not bring?

BUT, one shan't worry that much, it's just a waste of time. Don't worry too much, why hesitate?

Just AIM and Go for it...

I shall return , just in time to celebrate the coming, year 2010...tata~

Wish me Bon Voyage~!

HALLELUJAH~!

My boring days just got brighter~!

Yupee~!! I'm COMING Taiwan !

Thinking of Taiwan just makes me feel a lot better...

I'm going to Taiwan counting 2 days from now, and that means...

HELLO, Taiwan~!

and

GOODBYE, boring days at home ~!

I have this feeling of screaming HALLELUJAH~! at the top of my voice...hahaha..

Aww, man I LOVE THIS FEELING ! the feeling of FREEDOM..

IT's like a bird, finally released from its cage..WOOHOO~~

( well if I'm the "BIRD"........then you'll probably see TWO "BIRDS" flying out of the cage...hahaha, did you get it -_-? )

Okay, let's get over with that, I'm not that "yellow-minded"...

HAHAHAHA...SWT -_-|||

Anyway, it does make me feel more energetic everyday, waking up, knowing that everyday, every hour, every minute, is closer to going to Taiwan..and I'm obviously eager to go there..and I need that kind of eagerness, that PUSH motion or as I call it The Drive Gear to keep the cheeky me energized, or else the EMO-me kicks in, the DARK SIDE of me...EMOtionless, Lazy,Drowsy,Sleepy, which all describes the new sickness I'm suffering, I was diagnosed with

boredtodeathadosis( BORED-TO-DEATH-A-DOSIS)... highly contagious...hehe~

I'll be in Taiwan for quite a long time, so don't, just don't even try to contact me.. don't even think about it. or else you'll have to deal with the expensive phone bill at the end of the month.. it's all up to you, I won't reply anyway, or "someone" would throw a grenade at me...a " Terminator" sent to terminate me~! she could simply start firing bullets at me, if I make her angry...tough luck~!

PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT MR.ERIC NGU WILL BE UNAVAILABLE FROM 17th OF DECEMBER TILL THE 29th OF DECEMBER 2009, THANK YOU !

I'll celebrate Christmas in Taiwan, so let me wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy new year first~! ( I promise that I'll blog more when I come back~till then =)