Dear blog~

ahhh...the dreamy days. It's just what I could describe of how I feel these days. Nothing seems to bother, even the coldest nights feel so warm. Lay tossing about in my bed, last night, just wondering how were you right then?

Hmmm...anything special today? Well, besides 10 10 10, today's just great, rather fun. After Puan Chen, I went to KGS and wasted all my energy there. Played badminton, swam the crystal clear pool. It was around 6 or 7 when I jumped in the pool, the vanilla colored shades of the sky turn violet then dark blue. It was just nice as the twilight set in.

About 8, my family and I arrive at a hawker stall, ate dinner, then blablabla, nothing to say. Plus, last thing before I sign off, I listened to Brielle 10 times today! wow!

Sky Sailing

haiz....I've been rather lazy lately,

just drenched in the heavy atmosphere,

drifting away in my day dreams....

dear, I haven't seem to find out why I've been like this lately,

the day's just rather dreary, dreamy and it keeps me thinking of someone special. Last night's movie did not keep me awake, I fell asleep dreaming,

about how I gave myself a haircut , unpleased with the style....woke up in the morning, and found myself cuddling against the sofa, the dizzy feeling was temporary but my spine ached...

since the dawn turn light blue, my earphones have been whispering songs to my ear. Well, It was rather pleasant waking up to the voice of Adam. Ate breakfast then decided to get more of Owl City, so my PC came to life as the monitor lit. I was browsing through FB and Youtube when my mouse came to a halt on a tab that said" Sky Sailing" on the screen, and guess what, it's Adam's new album.....three word that defines it all " Oh My God"

I was impressed of how it sounded.....

Vanilla Twilight

Oh my god, the music keeps filling my mind...

It's so nice , the lyrics are just as lovely...

even the name....can't bare it must listen to it again.....

It means a lot to me actually, perhaps Adam young sang my heart out....

It brings tears sometimes, those times....need not to explain that much......

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

Chills run down my spine

as our fingers entwine

and your side harmonizes with mine

Unmistakably, I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me

You

Every time you sit there ,

I find it hard to look away.

I always try to find the words that I could say,

but it's just so hard for me to look in your eyes.

Every time I see the reflection of me through your beautiful eyes,

Guilt,

tortures my mind.

"I like you"

maybe I was wrong,

I fell in love with you.

but

we're so far apart, the distance between you and me.

You're like a Northern Star,

where my heart will always point to.....

I never regretted, even one day when fate sets us apart,

I will still be there....

somewhere in another corner on earth waiting for you.

You're my only one, you're like the whole world to me,

I can't, I just can't give up.....

should I just give up?

or live up to the expectations?

I have no idea.

every time I think of you,

you convinced me that love is true,

but whenever I see you guys together,

I saw "evol" in love,

hurt from inside. something that I can never tell.

Sometimes I force myself in believing that,

You and I were never meant to be together,

Love doesn't exist at all....

and every time I only come to a conclusion

Love Hurts

been wondering

I feel wrong falling in love with you.

find it hard to believe . I needed you more than

anything else in this world right now.

sick and tired of everything that I've been thru,

sometimes I wonder, is it me or him?

I don't know what to do anymore,

Be Jealous once more and recreate history?

then everything goes bad again....nuh uh....

wouldn't want that.

I can only keep it to myself.

Sometimes I also wonder,

am I the best for you?

Now, I can only cross my fingers and have faith in you.

I trust you.

Once more, my world shifted.

My dark world, came for me.

Everything changed, what happened?

Lonely, describes my deepest feeling.

Even if there is light,there would only be one shadow ,

and it would only be mine.

I need you now. I'm alone.

Went for duty yesterday...

the weather sot sot de...

in the morning.....hot till got sunburn...

in the afternoon.....it rained like cats & dogs...

brrr.....so cold....I was wet from top to bottom....

haizz....so tired now...still got Puan Chen later...

err......lazy to type ler.....maybe next time....

be strong

Do we need some time out?

What is happening?

I never wanted you to feel bother,

I never wanted to force you,

you're not wrong.....

Be strong, I don't want to see you like this,

you're hurting yourself, see things a little more differently,

sometimes, you should just let go of somethings,

ignore everything, be yourself......

Everything hit you like a car, no time for you to pull yourself out,

maybe you're lost somehow....girl, you really have to stand up,

even how difficult things might turn out, we should face them together....

it's not about you forgiving me or not, it's about forgiving ourselves and everything around us...

those problems? maybe I don't know yet what are those, but just relax....everything would be fine, if you need me I will be there, if you cry I can be your shoulder to lean on, if you're sad I will be there to cheer you up, if you're lonely I will be there to accompany you, I will be by your side....it's just better if we discuss our problems over, I don't want you to keep everything to yourself, it's too much....it's a great big world out there, you must be strong, you must endure,

even if everything of you is starting to crumble and falling to pieces, you have to have the strength to put it back....there will always be someone to help you, to put them back, and if you need me I will surely be there.....take everything slowly, don't rush....

I don't want to accept your forgiveness, I want to see you stand up with your own courage,

I want see the real you, this isn't you, where's the real you, the one and only YOU !!!!

Why?

I suffered...

I am sad....

I am miserable....

I am hurt....

I am tired....

I cried....

sometimes it feels like too much for me, my life changed so much....

maybe it is time for me to grow up .... learn....and see thing in different way....

Time is cure for everything, maybe I should wait, be patient.....

but I've already waited for 4 years and everything remains the same for me....

it's too much

miserably down....

I feel like... I don't belong to this world anymore....

the overwhelming depression....

Everyone doesn't like me,they hate me....

my mum , my dad, my family, my friends....

mum.....

you never trusted me, never,

everything I do, everything I say is always wrong,

home....

I hate it.... it's just a place for me to sleep and rest,

nobody cares.....

I hate my home,

the reason why I like being with my friends, being out doors,

is because I would at least feel happy....

however it never felt warm, I never felt happy ......

everything single word you say,

hurt me, you don't even care how I feel,

you never knew how sad I am inside,

so hurt, so painful....my scarred heart still bleeds till this very day....

you will never understand the pain I suffered, is it because I never cry in front of you?

it's been years since, and every time it got worst...

everytime I think about everything that I've been through ,

tears roll down....I just...I just don't know what to do anymore....

why can't everything just return back , like the days before...

I feel so disappointed, the warm cozy feeling of a family,

was lost from my world....

I'm such a pathetic person,

I cheat myself....I pretend to be happy every single day,

only that, deep inside, the real me, I'm very lonely and down....

11 o'clock...

partially done with my homework....

don't feel like continuing doing it....

other than that I have to conduct a meeting tomorrow....

so many things to do lately....

projects pile up a few feet tall,

blocking my sight of freedom....

haiz....don't like to be confined in a tight space....

sometimes I feel like freedom is a far cry,

imprisoned by this enormous fort build from HOMEWORKS~!

arrrrgh~~~~help me~~~!!

@.@

COUSINs~

Alex`! you're back, finally...

missed you so much ya know....

now we can play, chat , laugh ....and more TOGETHER~!

hmmm....when was the last time I saw you?

oh, 2 years ago....wow, it's been long though...2 years....

Seeing you again, brings up memories....

haiz....everyone have grown up so fast....

last time, we were still babies, now, i'm a teenager and you're going to be a lawyer~!

wow.....like you used to say....aim for it and go~!

Be a great lawyer someday, I really look up to you~!

ME=NOOB

I've cut my hair....

like just now....look very weird..

but cute=D hahahax...

I'm like a noob right now.....

don't know how to face people at school tomorrow....

I miss you a lot....

You don't speak to me since,

and I don't too....

You avoid me,

and I ignored you....

Every time I wanted to at least say "hello"

to you but, you never look at me...

Today , I wanted to talk to you, but I felt like you didn't want me to bother you....

I'm scared that you'll feel offended and never want to talk to me anymore...

You know? You didn't have to say SORRY today,

I know that it was an accident, or should I say coincidence....

You shouldn't say sorry, it wasn't your fault, no wrong at all...

maybe you thought that I didn't want to be bothered also....

well, I'm okay already....I just hope that we can still be

an apology

I feel really sorry today...

for what I did and everything I did..

ignored you....bcuz I was scared that I would disturb you...

you needed a quiet time....

today during PJK period....

I din mean to be like that, it's just that, it felt so sudden

.....if I hurt you, please say.....I won't mind if it hurts me....

I'm more concern about you....btw

you mentioned bout smth on FB?

If it's smth I should know, may I noe?

o maybe just keep it to yourself.....

i'm okay....

One last wish

Now , I don't want to wish for anything more...

everything is enough....

but just one last...wish.....

I just want to see your sweet smile again...

I miss your adorable laughter.....

I hope to see that you're happy again.....

I would be glad enough to see you with a smile on your face...

it's all I pray for right now....

like you always say just Be Yourself and be happy everyday.....

我死了

至从那天，一直到现在为止， 我还是找不回我自己.......

吴哲贤好像从地球表面消失了......

在再也寻找不回真真的我了。

今天，下了一场大雨，我把自己的身体淋湿了......

但，一点儿冷的感觉也没有.......我以麻木了.....

以前，每当我淋雨时，我会觉得开心.....

可是，今天我却一点也不.....

我变了。

今天，我也和朋友玩得挺开心的，

可是那只是一时的开心，我还是无法把你从心里暂时放下......

我想了好几天，几夜，但使我迷失了方向，一直找不到出路......

难道我就永远.......永远早不到出路了吗？

可是我从没想过要放弃....

在这几天里，关心我的朋友给了我很多的劝导，

让我觉得有所安慰...然我有点温暖的感觉。

你知道吗？

从前幼稚的我，已经死了....

那个又笨，又傻，又无理，又坏的我，已经死了.....

我根本就不是个好人，我有时还怀疑，我乘至配得上做你的朋友吗？

也许这是我的命运，老天注定给我的命运。

这几天，我成长了许多，也成熟了许多。

但是，我没有机会了。也许命中注定，我要背着这痛苦又美好的回忆走下去，

可是，我还没放弃，应为你是我最喜欢的人！

I cried....

for the first time....

I can't bare it anymore....

I need some quiet time....

leave me alone....

don't ask anymore....

I'm not me anymore.....

Lost....

Depression getting worse....

Everything is worthless....

Life is meaningless......

Hopeless.....

I need you now,

more than ever....

I lost my smile.....

I lost someone....

I lost my soul.....

I lost myself.......

Everything that surrounds me was dark...every path

led down another dark alley that almost never ends.....

No light to shine my way out.....

trapped in an eerie silence....every footstep echoed around me,

no one answered.....even how hard I try to call out......

it always echoes back in the same voice " help"......

No one came, no one heard me, no one cared.....

maybe that's what I am, why I am, who I am....

always.....hopeless.....

Until one day, I saw....I saw light coming towards me....

I looked up....and saw you...it was you.....

that was when I met you......

I followed you....down an alley.....

I was following your light.....but suddenly it vanished..

you were gone.....I was lost.....

and now, here I am, still in the pitch black world......

Leave me alone....

Now, I just wanna settle down,

leave me alone, in peace,

no disturbances.....

I feel tired....I am really tired of everything now...

this few days, I felt, being a quiet boy in class is better...

Paying more attention in class maybe, somehow,

I feel lonely.....lonely inside me....

the atmosphere is just dull, everywhere I go,

sometimes I feel being on my own, staring at the wall is

more comfortable than cheering up....

Cheering isn't a solution for me anymore....

part of me is dead.......

误会 A misunderstanding

TO: you

Since I promised you that I will change for sure, Iv'e been trying very hard to do it,

and maybe finally I've did it somehow? It felt strange for Dunstan and Ryan, because they missed the old me a lot...but never mind...they will get over it....I wrote this especially for you.... I know that a lot of your friends hate me, because I don't have a good behavior, however, I really hope that you can change your opinion of me, how I am as me in your heart....maybe you haven't noticed yet that I wasn't the same since. It was thanks to you, ya know, I gave up LS-ing and even saying foul words, or say bad things of other people.......

I wrote this so that you can understand me more, you know, I've heard about people saying that I always give bad looks of jealousy towards male friends who talk to you, well, I never did any of those before, can you believe me? I know you hate and don't like that and because of that people start keeping distances from you....I'm really sorry, but I hope you could understand me, I would never ever do that, maybe you and many other friends misunderstood, so I wish you know this.....

I've never "shoot" friends before just because they talk to you or play with you, I just like to see you be happy with them, that's why I always watch what you are doing, I just think that you are really adorable when you laugh and have fun with your friends....I like it when you are happy, it always make me smile.... I wish you can really know....I wish you wouldn't continue to misunderstand me... sometimes I wish that other people could stop being offended by me, I know I've been senseless and vulgar, but you won't expect the same me anymore, I apologize to everyone that I've offended, and I wish you can also accept me......

Like I always say, I don't want to hurt you, I can't afford to do something so harsh to you.....you know I only expressed my jealousy once , which was towards Kevin , and I still feel guilty , even though I've settled it out and now we're still good friends.....it's something that I will never forget, I hope you can be honest with me of everything, even though you think it might hurt me, I wish you could just tell me, because I really want to change......

Have faith in me......

From : Eric.N.C.H

Believe me, I will....

Why do I always ask stupid questions,

is it because I'm worried somehow?

Maybe I am, keep holding on,

is that what I should do, just keep holding on,

because I'm afraid to lose you?

I'm selfish.....I'm vulgar.....

I'm not a good person....

that's what I am....

do you regret?

For you,

I will change,

No matter what cost it might be,

I just can't lose you....

maybe today, from this moment onwards

you wont be expecting the " Mr.Evil" anymore...

I don't want to hurt you, I can't....

Because it hurts me even more.....

the sin of sloth....

it's getting to me....don't seem to be interested in anything lately...

feeling bored and lazy...still got a pile of school work to finish...

that ain't fun.....haiz....btw hope you guys enjoy

my playlist of SAD SONGS~!

unfulfilled and sad feelings....

It makes you cry....doesn't it?

hahaha...ENJOY guys....will add more songs next week...

sports day

It's the school's annual Sports day,

today was the first day, had lotsa fun,

LS here LS there Play here Play there...

hmm...what more?

Well, it felt great, macho athletes, noisy spectators..

everyone played a role in stirring up the wild atmosphere...

AZAM YAKIN CEMERLANG TABAH BERANI GIGIH

^^^^the all-time champion house of our school...

I didn't take part in any events this time, felt lazy...

but, at least I was in the Uniform Body marching competition,

St.John Ambulance got 1st runner-up, actually I kinda expected that,

like since we knew the PBSM were in the competition too...

it's over anyway.

On duty for St.John Ambulance tomorrow, holy....

I'm so exhausted right now, worn out for sure.

I've been yawning the whole time while typing this post...

What a sacrifice, but I get to share some things with some of you,

as in readers~

Eric`the best~! wish me luck....

things changed...

I did something right, at last,

didn't know how I did it actually.....

It took me quite some time before I could even get

close to him to say a word, but I managed to do it...

I apologized to him....it was tough a first to get it flowing,

however, it all turned out to be great, Jenny I did it!

now I just hope that you guys can be friends again ,

no more avoiding one another , okay?

btw, do your best tomorrow , don't stress yourself too much,

be cool and just let it out, and be careful, don't hurt yourself....

You understand me.....

I promised you that I will change...

it's a promise that I won't break,

I just want you to at least feel happy for me,

be happy as you always did...

I'm gonna do what's right...

tomorrow you two will be friends again,

I can prove myself, no matter how hard it may be,

I will try everything I can, it's for you,

sometimes I'm truly glad that I met you,

you were one of those who really understood me,

understand how I feel , you never blamed me for anything,

why? I really can't understand why?

What I did is always to bring you trouble...

you make me feel guilty of myself, can you not always not blame me of anything,

can you scold me? can you hate me? why?

It felt so strange when I first met you....you changed me....

you changed me so much that sometimes I couldn't take it.....

why are you so nice to me even though I'm always wrong.....?

I never felt so bother by anyone before, you were always in my mind,

and whenever I think of you, I feel very guilty, because you are too nice to me....

My fault....

now, I feel like an idiot...

all I always did was just giving her more trouble....

always being a burden....

I am very sorry for all what I've done...

can you forgive me?

I promise I will change for the sake of yours and mine...

I will change my bad habits ....

what's the point of saying sorry....I have to settle what I've done,

do everything I can to change myself, improve myself,

because of you.....I will change....no matter at what cost it might be....

To everyone else, I would like to apologize....

I know sometimes I cannot control my emotions, and sometimes I might hurt people,

so please, I'm truly sorry, if you wish to hate me, I understand....

Lately

I've been addicted to sentimental music lately....

don't know why...but it's just cool to relax sometimes....

sad piano or violin are some examples of what I'm looking for...

getting lazy as the days go by....

argued with my brother that day...and also so my mother....

maybe I was too hot-tempered, however they've passed already...

there's no need to remember those meager and sad things....

tolerance and forgiveness....ways of life....

Changed my specs yesterday, well, it's dark red this time....

it's cool.....hahaha.....really tired ....

marching marching....driving me to insanity.....

it's for Sport's Day, duty's coming up too....yeah~!

I can add those hours to my duty time....then I can exchange it for a badge...mauahaha...

but it's a 100 hours of duty time.....

gambateh~!